


I Wouldn't Understand?

by CassieBeckett



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Gyatso's Death, Katara - Freeform, Loss of Parent(s), Other, Survivor Guilt, katara's mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27354214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieBeckett/pseuds/CassieBeckett
Summary: "I knew you wouldn't understand."Aang suffers every night with the weight of Katara's and his own suffering.Can he finally confront his anger and let go of the past?
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara & Kya (Avatar)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	I Wouldn't Understand?

**Author's Note:**

> Yikes. This is kind of angsty. ...I'm so sorry for what you're about to read.
> 
> If you're looking for something more light-hearted,I have a funny Zuko fic in my Works, so feel free to check that out instead if you feel like a laugh!
> 
> Have a lovely day, stranger!

Aang woke up with a start, stifling the scream that he desperately wanted to let out. He'd grown accustomed to nightmares, and had therefore learnt how to keep quiet. He peeked out of his tent to see it was still pitch black. 

Katara's rage-filled voice crossed Aang's mind again.

"I knew you wouldn't understand."

Could she really be that blind? Aang had lost his entire civilisation overnight, and many of his friends had died of old age. He'd felt more loss than most adults. Of course that didn't minimize what Katara had suffered; loss is loss, no matter how great. But still- it pained him to think that she didn't believe he'd felt as much grief as she had just because he didn't speak about it as often. Aang was trying his best to move on and not be stuck in the past. Was Katara being unreasonable?

Maybe he was being oversensitive. 

Knowing from experience that he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again, he stood up and slowly emerged from his tent. Katara was a light sleeper, and if he was being brutally honest with himself, he wasn't in the mood for talking to Katara. Not right now.

Aang started doing sit-ups, mostly out of habit. He trained so much nowadays that he'd nearly forgotten what he used to do in his spare time. His laboured breathing pierced the silence.

He had done roughly four hundred sit-ups when Katara came out of her tent holding her water bag, heading towards the river. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Aang (he was secretly hoping that she wouldn't notice him).

"Aang? What are you doing?" she asked, confused. Aang thought rather bitterly that it was pretty obvious what he was doing, but he had enough common sense to know that only Sokka could be sarcastic to Katara.

"Um- just getting in some extra training," he said innocently. 

"It's the middle of the night!"

No kidding. "Uh, yeah, I know- I just, uh, woke up early?" Aang was still sat on the grass, his hands behind his head. He pushed himself into the air, falling to the ground weightlessly. "No worries."

He realised that he'd snapped that last sentence, and prayed that Katara didn't notice. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

She noticed. "Yeah!" Aang answered, too quickly. "Completely certain, in fact, so... why don't you just go collect your water and go back to sleep?"

Katara made a face that clearly stated that she didn't believe a word, but seemed to understand that he wasn't in a mood to talk. Just as she turned around to leave, Aang couldn't stop himself. "Did you mean it?"

She turned back around. "Mean what?"

Aang scolded himself silently. Then he blurted out, "When you said I wouldn't understand."

At first, she looked confused. This almost annoyed Aang; he'd been unable to sleep for three nights straight, and yet Katara clearly hadn't thought about it once. But then she sighed, immediately seeming to understand why he was out here in the middle of the night. "Of course not," she said. "I was just... angry, that's all."

He didn't know why, but he wasn't convinced at that explanation. "Angry at who?" Aang pressed.

"Yan Rha! Everyone? I don't know, Aang," she said quickly. "Look, I don't want to talk about this. I've had a long day. We can wait until morning."

"No, we can't," he said quietly. "Please, let's just talk about this now."

Katara nodded silently, sitting down. Aang sat down next to her hesitantly.

"I just- how could you say that?" he said. He couldn't really control what he was saying, and he realised that maybe he'd wanted to say this to her for a long time. "You act like I have no idea what grief feels like. But of course I know! I've lost my entire family overnight." His voice cracked. "Why on earth wouldn't I understand?"

Katara flinched as if he'd slapped her. Aang was ashamed to admit that he didn't feel bad at all for pushing her; this conversation was always going to happen eventually. He just hadn't exactly meant for it to happen now. "I guess... You just never talk about it," Katara said softly. "I know you must miss them, but how come you never bring them up?"

Aang hadn't considered this. He felt a sudden surge of guilt towards Gyatso- did he mean anything to him if he refused to think about him for more than a fleeting moment? Gyatso was his family, the only person he felt truly close to back then; but then Aang had left him to die.

Aang's vision blurred with tears.

"I'm sorry," Katara said. "I didn't mean to- Aang, I-"

"No, it's not you," Aang said. He still couldn't bring himself to look at Katara, so focused on the grass instead. "I just feel bad about... everything, I guess. I follow the monk's ideologies, but I refuse to think about them. Don't they hate me for that?"

"I don't think anyone could ever hate you," Katara said, allowing herself to smile. "And no, they don't hate you; you're saving the world from the Fire Nation. You're making sure they get the justice they deserve, right?"

He hadn't thought of it like that. It had never been his choice to be the Avatar- his refusal to accept it had caused him to be thrown 100 years into the future- and yet this gave him some form of comfort. He couldn't reverse the scars his past actions had left; but he could do what he could now.

He sniffed. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."

Now Katara couldn't bring herself to look at Aang. "I've been selfish," Katara whispered. Her regret was almost tangible in the night air; and yet the concern in her voice felt comforting. It was like having the old Katara back, before Yan Rha. "I'm so sorry- I couldn't see anything other than myself and my mother."

"I understand," Aang said. "Losing your mother so suddenly... I'm sorry."

Katara took it to mean 'I'm sorry for your loss'; Aang let her believe that. She squeezed his hand; Aang finally let himself meet her gaze and could've started crying all over again. Her face was filled with the familiar Katara kindness that he loved her for. He'd missed that.

They sat there for a while, letting the silence surround them. Finally, Katara said, "Thank you. For talking to me about this. I- I think I needed it."

Aang only nodded, smiling back at her. Of course, he'd already forgiven her. But as she walked back towards the river, his smile faded. Because it was easy to forgive Katara. 

But Aang would never forgive himself- because it was his fault her mother had left her in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm uhm. I'm sorry. I warned you it was sorta angsty.
> 
> But it all worked out in the end! Kind of!
> 
> ...Aang needs a hug.


End file.
